She's just more...

My oldest daughter turned ten this month. I did not get a birthday post written in a timely manner. I suppose this is metaphor for the ways I have been a less-than mother to her over the years. When she was a newborn, I'm fairly certain I didn't feed her often enough. I was used to nursing a baby the way I could nurse her brother, who was a full pound heavier, so an extra hour went by here and there.

When she was a little older, I was mildly depressed due to a number of things that had nothing to do with her. And a depressed momma is a less-than momma.

When she went to kindergarten, it was May before it really hit me that "Holy crap! She's a kindergartner and that is a really big deal!" She was our second child and it was old news for us, but not for her. And as a less-than mom, I failed to recognize it.

I always feel a bit bad that I don't worry as much about her as I have her brother. Perhaps that is the blessing of experience. But I'm inclined to think it may be because, while I'm a bit of a less-than mom, she's a "more" daughter.

When I think of myself at her age, there are so many similarities between the two of us. She just happens to be the "more" version. She's a bit more dramatic. I think she's a bit messier (though I'm not sure that's entirely accurate.)

She's certainly more talented — in music, dance, acting. I can see natural talent and charisma that I never had myself.

She's more curious than I ever was. More creative. Funnier. Better at making friends. Braver.

But the most important way she is more...the more I am most thankful for is how much more she loves herself than I loved myself at at ten. She's confident. When she's joyful, she's radiant. I don't see her wishing she was more like someone else. She just wants to be a bit more of who she already is, and I can't blame her for that.

As her tweens turn to teens, my prayer for her — for all girls, really — is that she can see that her more is more than enough. I want her to remember that the girl I see light up when she makes her family laugh or when she gets to dance in front of a crowd...that girl is amazing! I want her to hold onto that girl and stay familiar with her, because life has a way of making you forget yourself during those years.

That girl is her true self, and I see a little more of her every time I watch my daughter with her friends or have the pleasure of time alone with her. That girl makes me want to be more. And with her in my corner, I'm sure I can be.